16 May 2011

what's your story?...part 2

{what's your story part one found here-
Six years ago today I lost someone 
whom I admired, loved and adored.

 If you met my Dad you might not immediately see him as a giver.
He had an 'I don't care what anyone thinks about me' sort of air.
My Dad gave and gave and then gave some more.
He was a quiet giver, the best kind of giver.
I stood in awe at his wake listening to story after story
 of what he did for others.
Most of the stories I had never heard before.

{my Uncle Steve, me, my brother Aaron and step-mom Rose in front of Dixon Hall, the science building at Eldorado High School dedicated to his memory}

I would give anything for my Dad to see me now but sometimes I wonder if where I am today has to do with the fact that he's not here with us. On some level, I mark the time I could have left on earth based on his timeline. I know life doesn't work this way but losing him at 55 means I too could die at 55. I'm aware that I could die tomorrow or I could die at 105, but this unplanned event in my life has given me an awareness of time that I hadn't had before. After his loss, I made huge changes in my life. I decided I wanted to do the things in life that I was too afraid to do before. 

My Dad wasn't perfect, but he had a passion and enthusiasm that, at times, I didn't understand.  My Dad used to get very angry with me for not applying myself....for not pushing myself hard enough....for not seeing what I'm capable of accomplishing. At the heart of this, I think he believed in me more than I believed in myself.

 I know that my life is right where it's supposed to be, including losing my Dad. He has become part of my story. 
I've always believed that God has a plan and if He shared it with us, it would take the mystery out of life. As a planner, I tend to have a hard time with the whole 'wingin' it' concept.  But now I know that today could be the day when you get the news. 
The phone rings and you find out that the seizure was because of lesions on your father's brain. 
Then you find out that all the fly-fishing, running and love of the outdoors resulted in melanoma even though he never had a trace of skin cancer on his skin. 
Three months later you get another call. 
He's gone. 
This certainly was not part of my plan.

I know he'd be proud of what we've all done without him here with us.
He'd be proud of the love of his life, his Rosie. Rose has a zest for life, an upbeat positive attitude and never once does she come across like she's been cheated.
She's always let it be known she got 30 years with him and she's blessed by that.

He'd be proud that without him here, 
I see in myself what I know he saw in me all those years ago.

Thank you Dad for the gift you've given all of us.


Anonymous said...


What a beautiful tribute to your dad. You summed up what I think often about my mom's passing too: did it change how I look at the world. Thanks for sharing your thought, and I hope you find comfort in the good memories. I feel fortunate to have know your dad. He was a great man.

Jef Tingley

kellymlee said...

Aedriel -
Your dad was a great guy, wonderfully open, quirkly sense of humor - forthright which I undertand and admire. I certainly only knew him on a superficial level, but he treated me with respect as the kid figuring things out while dating Stephen. He and Rose had a good thing - they "got it" - I love your family and am so happy to have shared time with them... Losing my dad last month gives a whole new understanding of "loss" that I do not wish on anyone. Much positive thoughts your way and happy memories to celebrate the life he had... I completely believe he continues to support you and is VERY proud of you.

Kelly Lee

Tori said...

Well written what a great tribute to your dad. I recently lost my mom who was sick for 20 years and it was still a shock to lose her. I don't think we are ever truly ready to lose someone we love, it plain stinks. But it is truly comforting to meet people who have experienced something similar and to know we aren't alone in our grief. Thanks again for sharing!

Tara said...

Aedriel, thank you for sharing your father with us. I wish Bob and I could have known him. We all thank God for our beautiful memories of our loved ones. They live in our hearts forever and we treasure everyone of them. Much love to you at this time and it's a good time all the time to cherish our memories. Mom

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